I am One of Five

I’m one of five. Until recently I have never said that (actually I might have never have said it). I have one older sister, a younger sister and two younger brothers. One brother who is my sons age. Yep! He’s three (well he will be 4 in the next couple months). My parents adopted him when he was about 3 or 4 months. He is wonderful and has been a great addition to this family. But I haven’t always felt like that.

The journey started a long time ago way before I ever got pregnant with Caidan. My parents had wanted more kids, but my mom couldn’t have anymore because of a procedure she had. So they looked into adopting through there county. They took all the necessary class and did everything they needed to do to be foster/adoptive parents. After they completed everything (I believe it was a while later) they got a call to be foster parents to three little kids. Long story short they were in our family for 2 ½ years and abruptly taken because a family member wanted them. It was crushing for our family. They were our family and they were gone. My parents still wanted to adopt and kept up with everything. About 6 months later got a call about Seth. Of course they said yes!

But this was also shortly, I mean shortly before I would give birth to my son. It was a very emotional time for me. I already had bad feelings toward a boy I didn’t even know, but really I didn’t want to know. I, in a way was being very selfish. I wanted this to be my time. I was having my first son and I wanted all the attention. I was scared that my mom wouldn’t pay attention to my son because she was dealing with her own child. I wanted her to love my son. I mean he was the first grandchild. I didn’t pay attention to Seth for a long time. I wanted NOTHING to do with him. I always wanted my mom to visit but at the same time I didn’t because I didn’t want her to bring “him” with. My sister and I would have countless conversations about how I felt and she would yell at me a lot. And at that time I didn’t care. I thought I would never love Seth. And I couldn’t understand how they all excepted him.

I look back at the last couple years at how I have reacted to him and it kind of makes me sick. This is a loving and smart little boy. He was taken from his birth mother and this is the only family he knows. He is a crazy little boy (not as crazy as mine) but he is loving and giving and so SMART! Through these last couple years I look back at the first day I had Caidan and I honestly have no idea why I thought any of those things. My mom and dad love my kids just like there own (if not more). I still got the attention I needed from my family. Seth has been the greatest thing to happen to my family. Caidan and Seth are best buds. The other day I was talking to my mom and Seth said “Can I talk to my best friend Caidan?” It really made me want to cry. They LOVE each other. And really without Seth trips to my parents would probably be boring. We don’t go to Gigi and Pappy’s  to see them we go to see Seth. It isn’t my mom and dads house its Seth’s house (according to Caidan). And really my mom and I have become closer because of him. I got to go through having an infant while my mom was going through it too. Although she had 4 kids already you really do forget stuff. And we got to help each other through things.

As much as I am thankful for Seth, I don’t think I would ever want to go through that time again. But I am grateful that Seth is in our family and I can finally be able to call him my brother.

 

Best Buds for Life!!!!!

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