Redo

Do Moms get re-dos? Oh yeah, tomorrow! Good thing there are tomorrows because God graciously knows I need them. But I mean really a real re-do. If you could go back to before you had kids would you do things all different? But having the same kids?

 

I had so many expectations of what having kids and being a mom was. In my head it was GREAT! I would kindly say, “No Caidan you may not have that.” And he would kindly say, “Okay Mom.” I would have kids who when asked would pick up there toys without a complaint. I thought if I never yelled at my kids that they would never through fits and would always be willing to do what I asked of them. My kids would sleep through the night from the very beginning. They would know how to count so clearly. They would definitely never ever watch Television. And honestly I thought (haha [laughing at myself]) I would have patience of a saint.

 

I wish I could just start motherhood over knowing that being a mom is hard gosh darn work. Like really hard. It isn’t just physically hard, but emotionally it’s draining. My patience gets tested every day, maybe even a few times a day. The guilt of mother can be so strong that sometimes it’s hard to push it aside. There are probably a million and one things I would do differently had I known what it would have looked like. But I don’t and  I don’t get to re-do. I just have tomorrow. And tomorrow morning I will start off with more patience than I had tonight and hope that it won’t dwindle too fast.

My “other” 4 children

Meet Charlie! He is our oldest puppy (for some reason we call all the dogs puppies). He is 11 years old but other than him being lazy you would never know that he is that old. He still has a lot of life in him and hope he stays with us for years and years to come. Chris has had Charlie since he was a puppy, he even got to help deliver Charlie. The first time I met Charlie he bit me which is kind of how I got Chris’ number and have had it since then. He is a #1 baby!

 

Meet Bitty or Queen Bee or Fat Girl!  Really we just call her Bitty. We got her a couple weeks before we found out we were pregnant with Caidan. She was my Christmas gift that year. Her name really does not fit her because she is anything but bitty. Originally her name was Penelope. But after we brought her home I kept calling her Baby Girl and then I used to call her name over and over…a nd if you say Baby girl really fast you kind of get Bitty… so her name became Bitty. She is the Queen Bee of this house for sure. She rules the roast. But she is so sweet! She is the type of dog I have wanted forever. She is the best cuddler in the whole world.  Even more than Chris! I would not say that she is the best dog because she like to potty in the house more times than I like to say… but she has come a long long way. But she is my girl!

Meet Mason. He is a Mastiff Boxer mix. And he is THE BEST DOG IN THE WORLD! We got Mason from a friend who couldn’t take care of him anymore and since Chris has always wanted a big dog he couldn’t refuse. Mason is almost 5 years old and has been with us for 3. I was very hesitant to bring him in the home since he had never been around kids before but he has surprised me each and every day.  He puts up with way more than a dog should from kids. He has never once bit or growled or showed his teeth at either of them. They sit on him and pull his collar and try to ride him all the time… and he just sits there. We have talked about getting rid of him many times and then we think we will never get another dog this GREAT!

And last but not least Sugar. We rescued her from the bitter cold one December day after watching and trying to catch her for several days. It didn’t take her long to warm up to us probably because she was finally out of the freezing cold. We called the county animal shelter and police department to see if anyone had reported her missing but no such luck. But really that was okay because I was already attached. And she loved the kids. She is the cutest loving dog you could ever meet. Her bark is funny because she tries to be be so big yet it comes out so little. She is a great dog and has been a great great addition to this family.

 

Yes I am crazy… 4 dogs and  2 (soon to be 3) kids. But really I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have always said that I would have way more dogs if we have enough space!🙂 Lets just stay right where we are for now!🙂

So Cute Even When She is Sick

You wouldn’t guess by this photo that she was sick….

 

 

But when this happens you know….

 

She’s sick. And when it happens 3 days in a row your really know…

I had to take her shirt off to cool her down because it wasn’t anywhere near time for medicine…

But even when they are sick you can find those happy moments!

It’s Only Hair

For the past couple days Caidan had kept telling me he wanted to cut his hair. I was hesitant and waiting on Chris to make the decision. I didn’t really care… I mean it is only hair… right!?


And I am not sure what I think. Who would have thought that a little strip down the middle of his head would make such a big difference…. but I think it makes a huge difference. He looks so young now. I mean he is young but he looks even younger. But its only hair. It’s only hair….

And really he loves it so I guess that’s all that matters. And when his hair grows out we can give him a mohawk again!

I am One of Five

I’m one of five. Until recently I have never said that (actually I might have never have said it). I have one older sister, a younger sister and two younger brothers. One brother who is my sons age. Yep! He’s three (well he will be 4 in the next couple months). My parents adopted him when he was about 3 or 4 months. He is wonderful and has been a great addition to this family. But I haven’t always felt like that.

The journey started a long time ago way before I ever got pregnant with Caidan. My parents had wanted more kids, but my mom couldn’t have anymore because of a procedure she had. So they looked into adopting through there county. They took all the necessary class and did everything they needed to do to be foster/adoptive parents. After they completed everything (I believe it was a while later) they got a call to be foster parents to three little kids. Long story short they were in our family for 2 ½ years and abruptly taken because a family member wanted them. It was crushing for our family. They were our family and they were gone. My parents still wanted to adopt and kept up with everything. About 6 months later got a call about Seth. Of course they said yes!

But this was also shortly, I mean shortly before I would give birth to my son. It was a very emotional time for me. I already had bad feelings toward a boy I didn’t even know, but really I didn’t want to know. I, in a way was being very selfish. I wanted this to be my time. I was having my first son and I wanted all the attention. I was scared that my mom wouldn’t pay attention to my son because she was dealing with her own child. I wanted her to love my son. I mean he was the first grandchild. I didn’t pay attention to Seth for a long time. I wanted NOTHING to do with him. I always wanted my mom to visit but at the same time I didn’t because I didn’t want her to bring “him” with. My sister and I would have countless conversations about how I felt and she would yell at me a lot. And at that time I didn’t care. I thought I would never love Seth. And I couldn’t understand how they all excepted him.

I look back at the last couple years at how I have reacted to him and it kind of makes me sick. This is a loving and smart little boy. He was taken from his birth mother and this is the only family he knows. He is a crazy little boy (not as crazy as mine) but he is loving and giving and so SMART! Through these last couple years I look back at the first day I had Caidan and I honestly have no idea why I thought any of those things. My mom and dad love my kids just like there own (if not more). I still got the attention I needed from my family. Seth has been the greatest thing to happen to my family. Caidan and Seth are best buds. The other day I was talking to my mom and Seth said “Can I talk to my best friend Caidan?” It really made me want to cry. They LOVE each other. And really without Seth trips to my parents would probably be boring. We don’t go to Gigi and Pappy’s  to see them we go to see Seth. It isn’t my mom and dads house its Seth’s house (according to Caidan). And really my mom and I have become closer because of him. I got to go through having an infant while my mom was going through it too. Although she had 4 kids already you really do forget stuff. And we got to help each other through things.

As much as I am thankful for Seth, I don’t think I would ever want to go through that time again. But I am grateful that Seth is in our family and I can finally be able to call him my brother.

 

Best Buds for Life!!!!!

16 weeks

16 weeks and I am almost half way there. I took a picture for the first time this pregnancy. It isn’t great since its from my phone but it does the job.

First I thought I would show you pictures from when I was pregnant from Caidan and Kloe (you know to see the difference!)

This is with Caidan at 22 weeks

 

This is with Kloe at 13 weeks

 

Baby #3 at 16 weeks

Okay after seeing all those pictures together… I look bigger with #3 at 16 weeks then with Caidan at 22 weeks! OMG! And really if I had normal size boobs I would look even bigger. But God graciously gave me BIG ta-tas!

This week has been a big improvement from the previous weeks. And I probably gained back the 6 pounds I lost since becoming pregnant!🙂 But I am starting to feel the effects of being big now… like not sleeping and my back aching! I always have back aches during my pregnancies I just don’t remember it ever being this early. But it comes with the territory!

You never get tired

Photo By

I am 14 weeks
14 weeks since we created this little being
14 weeks this little being has been growing

I had a regular appointment yesterday and it was the first day I heard the heart beat
It really never gets old, it never gets boring
It’s always a thrill
A joy

These first months can be very hard, annoying, and frustrating
Really all you know those first couple months is your pregnant
You might get at ultra sound but sometimes you don’t
Sometimes you just have to trust that this little being you created is actually there

I am excited that these next couple months are going to change
I’ve started to feel those first flutters
I heard the first heartbeat (168)

But now I want to look pregnant
I want to feel those kicks that wake you up
You know the ones that make you think “did I just pee my pants?”
I want Chris to be able to feel the baby

In November July seemed so far away
But we’ve already gone threw almost 3 months
Which means I only have 6 months
(okay I’m not gonna lie that seems like A LOT!)

But I know that this phase is near its end
And when that end is here
I am going to party with all those foods that I haven’t been able to eat
All those foods I once loved so much
That well I haven’t touched in a long time

And I am pretty sure my family will be happy to have a full pantry again

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